just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
