found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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