Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
