My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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