You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
