nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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