do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He shit in the fireplace
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
