I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
