i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
