Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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