I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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