I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
