i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
