put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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