I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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