look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
