Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
its not stalking. its research.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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