i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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