my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
