The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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