I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
