walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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