I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
