I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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