you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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