Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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