so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
