the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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