youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
