Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
