Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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