R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
