Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I understand Curling. That high.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
