Say something about gay babies.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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