Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Two words: nipple clamps
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