It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
