I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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