im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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