i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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