i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
