Im at strip club and am horny
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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