you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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