Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
