She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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