I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
