don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
