the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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