i may or may not be watching the land before time
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
