well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
