please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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