Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
