well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
