Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
