At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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